Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Dream world ... or is it?

Sorry - I've been asleep this past week ... well trying to sleep. The one department of menopause that I'm struggling with is the absolute exhaustion. Yet even though I'm drop dead tired, as soon as I go to bed, I can't sleep. Then I do sleep, then I have a hot flash, then I'm awake, then I'm asleep, then Molly licks my face, then I'm awake, then I'm hot, then I'm...

And then the alarm clock goes off.

How am I even lucid? But then maybe I'm not? But only I don't notice?

A small digression before I re-attach the IV drip of coffee to my vein: while biking to work this morning I noticed that all the garbage bins were lined up perfectly on a very long street. Like surreal 1950s-era Tim Burton movie kind of perfect. And as I biked along began to think that perhaps, just maybe, this was actually a dream and I was still asleep in bed because who on earth would walk down a long street and align all the bins like that?

Life in the house with 14 has been very annoying lately. In addition to everything being sexual, he constantly comes up with absolute bizarre scenarios prefaced with: Mom, what would you do if... 

... if I ate my left arm
... if I ate that lamp post
... if I ate myself and then crapped myself out
... if I broke Jakob's arm off
... if the world exploded
... if I was killed by a dinosaur

I'm saving you from the really horrifying ones, ones that occasionally make me very angry. Ones also that to be honest I can't remember because I'm so freaking tired.

I can only now ignore or respond with stupid comments like "I would be sad because then you wouldn't be able to play the guitar anymore" even  if it's in response to what would you do if I ate that lamp post.

You know what sucks about being so tired and forgetting everything right now? I had a burning question that I wanted to position for feedback and now... gone, right out of my head.

Time for more coffee.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Just can't win

You know what sucks? Other than having no ovaries, buying your mother-in-law a necklace from TIFFANY'S and having her phone up confused, not really liking it but also thinking she actually needs to return it to Tiffany's in New York.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011


I know I've been missing in action which is not a great thing having just returned to blog world but I have a very good reason:

my ovaries are gone and I kind of miss them.

Life has been a bit frantic - I received a call late in the afternoon on Thursday, May 5 informing me my new surgery date was Monday, May 9 at 11:00 am. After shaking my head a few dozen times I quickly lined up husband, work, friends and then sat back to try to get my mind around the idea of being launched into immediate menopause.

Surgery went off without a hitch, though they were 2 1/2 hours late bringing me in but at least I had the operation right? Unlike LAST time where I was sent home 15 minutes before the procedure was supposed to begin.

But I'm feeling a bit wiped - I describe the first week of recovery feeling like I had survived a gang war, having been shot, stabbed and beaten. One thing I didn't expect was being pumped full of gas and the resulting pain in my shoulders was ridiculous - I think the oxycodone was used more to manage that pain rather than the abdominal pain.

If you're all curious about my menopausal symptoms, even if it's to measure how wise it is to be in my company (note: I have NOT hurt husband or children ... yet. I did come close to throwing a green plastic toy at husband's head but I did NOT. I have keen self control.) I'm finding night time the hardest. I am having hot flashes but haven't broken out in sweats, I'll wake up for whatever reason (hot, cats, pain, husband snoring) and once awake, am awake for a very long time so feel like I walk around in a permanent state of exhaustion. Mood swings are not bad though I did yell at a driver for being incapable of making an expedient right hand turn, that it's not brain surgery, but that's acceptable ... I mean they have to learn, right? And I did have a mild discussion with husband on the same drive about the flipping heat in the car and was he trying to kill me?

I'm still waiting to hear from my oncologist to see if I can use an estrogen patch to manage symptoms but he's not freaking getting back to me.

Should make for interesting blog writing as I work through the mood swings - I'll make sure I use these prime times to write.

Wish us luck!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Identity crisis

I have been trapped at home with a very sick child since Easter.

Poor 9, it's been a rough week. Started Easter Sunday with a slight sore throat - I ignored him as any mother would convinced it was caused by all the chocolate he had eaten. By Monday it was really bad and then for the rest of the week the symptoms kept changing - from sore throat to stomach to fever to head cold...

Damn Easter bunny.

Friday I returned him to school with the gentle reminder to CONTACT HIS FATHER for any reason but when I picked him up at the end of the day he was crying. His ears hurt.

WHY ME!? I screamed at the heavens. I have a new blog to update! I have spent the past week blowing off special events, working from home, catering to 9's every whim, the list is endless.

So last weekend was a bit of a bust too.

9 has been at school this week but has also been telling his friends and teachers that he's been living on pain medication since Easter, the little pill-popping junkie that he is.

Yesterday I kind of lost it, he tore his finger nail and announced that ONCE AGAIN, he would need to stay home for the rest of the week to recover.

I'm changing 9's name to Mildred.